Three visits to the cottage 三顧茅廬
Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the
three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.
旁白——話說劉關張桃園三結義之后四處奔波 一時間找不到工作 不得不在曹操的公司靠看大門為生 而此時那個傳說中的神秘人物諸葛臥龍先生正專心在家復習考試 因為他的老婆黃氏逼著他參加CET-6
SCENE 1: Liubei's home
Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei
Guanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible!
Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?
Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.
Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse
Liubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!
Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.
劉備 關羽 張飛上
關羽——大哥 咱們都餓了好幾天了 這種吃糠咽菜的生活我們要過到什么時候啊 哎
劉備——二弟 這 大哥我怎么可能不難受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低頭 我們現在曹操的公司里給人家看大門 這年頭工作這么難找 我們三兄弟學歷又不高 好不容易能有口飯吃就很不錯了 哪還有什么奢求呀
張飛 ——大哥 對了 上個月后面山頭諸葛老師的老婆來問我們借走了500塊錢去給她老公交學費去了 都好久沒還 我們是不是應該去要回來
劉備——哎 就是 我怎么這岔給忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟隨我這就上山 (收拾家伙 挽袖子)
SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house
Actors: ZhuGeliang Zhu’s Wife
ZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) I’ve never heart about that. And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. It’s ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?
ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.
Wife： My dear, how about your study?
ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze. I’m dizzy.
Wife： Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Tianjin.(cry)
ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.
Wife： Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!
ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!
Wife： Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?
ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.
Wife： You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now,
ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! I ‘m going to study hard at once.
Wife (laugh): That's the spirit! Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun for debts.
ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?
Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!
Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?
Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England.
Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.
諸葛老師——大叫好 我就是絕頂聰明的諸葛老師 可我最近卻很是郁悶 我那個娘子非要我去參加什么大學英語六級考試 六級考試是個什么東西 我怎么聽都沒聽說過 還要我看這么厚的書 做這么多的題(拿起手里的金瓶梅給大家亮亮) 我以后可是要當軍師的!!又不是這個專業的 干嘛還要要看這種書
諸葛老師——娘子來了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一樣 說起話來我可受不了 快老實看書(裝作認真狀)
諸葛老師——娘子啊 這些書看得我頭昏眼花 光想打瞌睡
老婆——哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 現在外面競爭這么激烈 你要是不好好考六級 將來拿個碩士文憑 以后找不到工作可怎么辦呀 我們在這個小村子里都呆了小半輩子了 你看我連稍微大一點的城市 像鐵嶺都沒去過
諸葛老師——娘子 你看老公我這么有才華 以后還愁找不到工作么 這些書太簡單了 統統不用看 (扔書)
老婆——哼 !!你說簡單 那我考考你
諸葛老師——怎么 還要考我 舌戰群儒我都不怕 小小考試焉能難道我(對觀眾說)
老婆——我要考你聽寫(諸葛老師郁悶狀) 聽著 apple怎么寫 desk怎么寫
老婆——相公啊 你連這都不會 可怎么辦呀 哎呀 我錯了 我真的錯了 我從一開始就不應該嫁過來 如果我不嫁過來 就不會流落到這么一個傷心的地方 我好后悔呀
諸葛老師——崩潰了 (捂耳朵 忙勸)
諸葛老師——娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看書就是
老婆——(馬上變臉) 這還差不多 你知道么 為了供你讀書 咱們家已經欠了外面一屁股債 連看大門的我都借過 如果這些人上門來逼債我可怎么辦呀
諸葛老師——娘子 你說看大門的 ? 莫非就是呢個看大門的劉備 (抓胡子 興奮 點頭)
老婆——書童 聽著 相公近日溫習功課 外人一律不見 來人就說去國外游玩講學去了書童 遵命
SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house
Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper
Zhangfei: Let me knock the door! Open! Open!!!
Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt?
(Open the door)
Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.
Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.
Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.
Liubei: OK! We will wait for him here!
Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home!
Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang as well . Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.
張飛——大哥我來叫門(氣憤 敲門 咚 咚 咚)
書童——(從貓眼里看看 跟張飛頭對上 幻燈片配李逵的黑臉 嚇一跳)莫非是來討債的 (思考 開門)
書童——哦 不是 主人 主人 出去游玩了 可能很快回來 也可能十多天不回來
關羽——他呢么貪玩 誰知道他什么時候回來 大哥 我們還是走吧
旁白——三人離去 又過了一個月 已是深秋 三人第二次登門拜訪 可是仍然沒有見著 第三次已經是冬天 屋外下著鵝毛大雪 諸葛老師知道了劉備上門討債的事情 趁這會老婆黃氏不在 趕緊命書童前去開門